Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
