Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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