Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
