He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
