I showed him my bush... on skype.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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