haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
