thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
