I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
