its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
