Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
