I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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