Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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