Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
