You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
