Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Still dying that you shit outside
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
