just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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