I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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