I just saw a hot homeless man
how do flat chested girls get laid?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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