You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
