speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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