I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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