I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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