I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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