I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
