she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
