the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
