Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
