Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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