Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
