you're like a bully in the Christmas story
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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