I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
