I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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