You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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