I heard we made out
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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