I'm so fucking centered right now
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
