I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Omg I joined a choir last night...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
