Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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