I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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