I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
