I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
