I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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