here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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