last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
