I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
