Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
