I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How external is "for external use only"?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
