Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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