Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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