Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
