When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
