How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
