they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
