Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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