brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We left the knife in your bed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
