I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
