Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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