Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
